You hear some of the funniest things sitting at a poker table. Stress, boredom, and alcohol often cause people to say the darndest things.
First on the list was a co-worker and good friend who is known for his passionate approach to poker (i.e. he tilts easily) letting me go through his player notes:
Prone to MASSIVE tilt…worse than me
Alicia Silverstone - absolutely f*ckin clueless.
SHIT player…a GERMAN…enough said
muther f*cking son of a bitch. The bloke cant miss when he chases
But best of all he labeled two different players:
uses extemely bad language…sore loser
Watch for abusive language
You can check out the rest of his ranting player notes here.
Grandma Needs an Operation
Here’s some fun chat from a recent game:
Man, I really hope I win this hand.
My grandmother needs an operation.
LOSES HAND
Damn, no boob job for grandma.
More boob humor
Floorman! We need another player over here. Send us a drunk or a chick with big boobs.
– Commerce Casino
Don’t Bluff a Bluffer
“I think you’re bluffing but I can’t beat a bluff.”
Wise Investment Advice
I’m going to move my Charles Schwab account to Party Poker.

This has nothing to do with poker but I was just so blown away when I read it.
Man uses nail clippers in DIY circumcision A man who gave himself a DIY circumcision using nail clippers was taken to hospital for emergency treatment.
That’s the lead-in to a story the gets more and more bazaar by the sentence.
The young man had to be rushed to the Lister Hospital in Stevenage, Hertfordshire. The wound was disinfected to cleanse it before he was given a bed in an observation ward.
“This is something we would advise men never to attempt,” a medic said, “The results can be quite horrific and long-lasting and have quite an affect on a man’s sexual performance.
Really? You really felt it necessary to make a point that you don’t advise this? I thought chopping away at your penis with a pair of nail clippers was the recommended way to remove a pesky foreskin. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
“Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand.”
Really? I was wondering if that would hurt. Then I thought, “Well it probably wouldn’t hurt after a few beers,” but again you’ve set me straight on that one too.
Personally, I think this is all part of the main stream medical community conspiracy to keep us from doing minor surgeries ourselves and saving a little cashola. In fact, I’m going to prove it. Hold on while I get my nail clippers. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Okay, maybe he was telling the truth about the excruciating pain part. Wait, should there be this much blood? I’m not feeling so gooooooooooooooooo
Photocred to worak

While some players will happily move site for a percentage point higher rakeback deal [what is rakeback?], there are many other ways in which savvy players are improving their profits. By using a combination of small factors which can improve your profits, the compounding effect could easily see your bankroll improve significantly. Add to this the best rakeback deals and you could hit the next level faster than you thought possible!
Increasing Rakeback Poker Profits #1 – Invest In Software Tools
There are many poker software tools available covering everything from real-time advice to graphing your profits. While many people see these as an expense, savvy players instead look at them as an investment. The $100 or less spent can pay for itself many times over, for example by giving you hand history analysis which allows you to plug small leaks, better insight into profitable bubble mathematics - or even on-screen statistics on your opponents which allow you to outplay them more effectively.
Increasing Rakeback Poker Profits #2 – Training Sites / Coaching
Players are often resistant to the idea of training or individual coaching. This can be due to pride, or a perception that the cost would not match up with the benefits. Smart players know that poker is a game in which you can never stop improving – and a shortcut to the higher levels (and so more rakeback profits!) is to have an expert look at your game. You can also learn from those who have crushed the higher limits at a training site. Imagine that the training helps you maximize value from just 1 big hand per hour and you’ll see how training could pay for itself very quickly indeed.
Increasing Rakeback Poker Profits #3 – Multi-Tabling
Everyone has their comfort level with multi-tabling, however this is one of the fastest and most effective ways of improving your profits from your rakeback deal. Balance needs to be sought between increasing the number of raked hands, and the quality of your decisions. While multi-tabling will give you less time for reads and thinking about each move, the net result of more hands is an increase in overall profits. Some players find that cutting the marginally profitable starting hands from their opening ranges helps keep the post flop decisions simple.
Increasing Rakeback Poker Profits #4 – Rake-Races And Tournaments
When selecting the best rakeback deal, ensure that your affiliate is able to offer you rake-races and access to freerolls. Rake-races are leader board contests which can pay out many $1000’s and usually run for a week to 10 days. Freeroll tournaments offered by many rakeback affiliates have an added advantage - in addition to the generous prize pools – that many rakeback players ignore them, meaning small fields often competing for large amounts of money.
Increasing Rakeback Poker Profits #5 – Locating The Poker Fish
This method of maximizing your profits sounds so obvious, yet is routinely ignored by even fairly experienced players. If you are playing at a small poker site with huge rakeback percentage then there is a good chance that the majority of your opponents are also experienced players with the same deal. While you may still make a reasonable profit, this is dwarfed by the potential take from inexperienced opponents at some of the larger sites. Breaking this down further you should consider how table selection, waiting for position on weak opponents and even keeping your own ‘fish list’ can improve profits. If you are not practicing good site and table selection then you are leaving profits on the table!
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If you would like more information on how to make a living playing poker, visit Bill’s Rakeback Report site.
Photocred to chrischappelear