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New Allegations of Prisoner Abuse

by Bill Rini on March 28, 2006

in Poker, Poker Humor

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Suicide Bomber BarbieWASHINGTON D.C. The White House today was hit today with another blow in the global war on terror as more allegations of prisoner abuse surfaced. Leaked transcripts of a recent interrogation of a suspected Al Qaeda member in Guantanamo Bay have shed even more doubt on the White House’s claim that the US does not engage in torture. At the core of the allegations is the interrogation transcript of which portions appear below:


TRANSCRIPT OF INTERROGATION OF PRISONER 2344

OFFICIAL USE ONLY

07.05.2005

09:00 HRS PRISONER 2344 ENTERS ROOM

INTERROGATOR 1: Take a seat.

PRISONER 2344 IS SEATED

INTERROGATOR 1: We want to know about your involvement with Al Qaeda. What was your role? What was your position within the Al Qaeda organization?

PRISONER 2344: I no nothing about Al Qaeda. I am a simple farmer. I no nothing of Al Qaeda.

INTERROGATOR 1: Listen, we know that you’re involved with Al Qaeda. We have photos. We have recordings of your phone conversations. You aren’t helping yourself here.

PRISONER 2344: I do not know why you are doing this to me.

INTERROGATOR 2: There’s only one way out. You must tell us what you know. Al Qaeda is broken. We know all of their plans. We’ve captured most of their leaders. They’re all talking. Why are you going to be the one who gets punished when everyone else is cooperating?

HELPLESS, BROKEN, THEME REPEATED UNTIL BREAK AT 13:00 HRS.

INTERROGATION CONTINUES AT 13:15 HRS.

INTERROGATOR 1: Would you like something to eat?

PRISONER 2344: No. I refuse to eat.

INTERROGATOR 1: How about something to drink?

PRISONER 2344: I refuse drink from you as well. I am protesting my treatment here.

INTERROGATOR 1: Would you like some time to pray?

PRISONER 2344: Yes. Very much. I would like to pray.

INTERROGATOR 1: I think we can manage that. We’re not bad people. We want the same things.

PRISONER 2344: I can pray now?

INTERROGATOR 1: Well, first I want INTERROGATOR 2 to tell you a story.

INTERROGATOR 2: Do you play poker PRISONER 2344.

PRISONER 2344: Poker? I play when I was a child.

INTERROGATOR 2: Well, I pick up pocket aces in late position and it’s raised in front of me. I re-raise and get four callers! Four callers! Can you believe that?

PRISONER 2344: Huh?

INTERROGATOR 2: Flop comes K 2 7 rainbow. It goes bet, raise, call, I re-raise, fold, call, fold, fold. Turn is another deuce. River is a 4. Can you believe he called me down with K2. He made a full house! Can you believe that?

PRISONER 2344: A full house?

INTERROGATOR 2: But that’s nothing. INTERROGATOR 1, tell him about that time the guy sucked out on you and hit his one outer.

INTERROGATOR 1: Oh, that was terrible. I still can’t believe how lucky that guy got. So, I’m sitting in late position and catch AK suited. Flop comes 768 all diamonds. I’ve flopped, pretty much, the nut flush. Bet, call. Turn is a blank. River is a ten of diamonds and I bet. He raises. I re-raise and he re-raises me back. Turns out he had 9Jof diamonds and rivered the only card that he could hit to beat me. Man, that was brutal. I was steaming the rest of the night.

INTERROGATOR 2: PRISONER 2344, have you ever taken a bad beat? Any good bad beat stories?

PRISONER 2344: Bad beat? I don’t have any stories. I just want to pray now.

INTERROGATOR 2: Wait, you gotta hear this one. I’m sitting there with pocket kings and I raise it up . . . .

BAD BEAT THEME REPEATED UNTIL 23:40 HRS.

INTERROGATOR 1: Wow! That was a bad beat. Let me tell you about the time . . .

PRISONER 2344: No! Please, no! I cannot listen to these stories any more.

PRISONER 2344: SOBBING

INTERROGATOR 1: You can make these stories stop. You just need to tell us what we want to know.

PRISONER 2344: Okay. I did help Al Qaeda. They wanted me to [REDACTED].

Image lifted from Flickr user PaulOFlaherty

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lyndon 03.29.06 at 8:11 am

Bill, that made me laugh, It’s so true.

2 T.F.B. 03.29.06 at 9:57 am

It’s totally true, they’re torture. Endless tales of poker hand after poker hand have taken the place of fishin’ stories. That must be why they are so hard to avoid. It’s the 21st Century take on ‘The One that Got Away.’ We’re smart enough to know that no one cares, but we still feel an inescapable need to share.

It’s like this one time…

3 StudioGlyphic 03.30.06 at 9:47 am

That’s funny…

…but someone should tell Interrogator 2 it was a 2-outer.

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