Costa Rica – Bodog announced today that they have just released a new version of their online poker software with a revolutionious new feature called, “No Decision Poker.” According to a press release, No Decision Poker essentially removes the “Fold” button as an option for Recreational Players™ .

Jonas “Don King” Odman said, “No Decision Poker is a magnormous advancement in poker that only a braveflurious poker room like Bodog can introduce to the poker playing community. Recreational Players™ will soon have the choice of escaping the tyranny of making decisions at the poker table. Our amazingpendious software removes all decision making. Players play every hand to the river pushing chips back and forth until they’ve all been raked up.”

Odman went on to explain why decision making is bad in poker. “What is the one major advantage that those rapscalliontatious sharp players bring to the table that allows them to ravencaciously rip hard earned cash out of the hands of Calvin Ayre our Recreational Players™ ? Decision making. Sharp players besmirchify the integrity of the game by making better decisions than Recreational Players™ .

Eliminating usernames, HUDs, PokerTracker, and the other tools used by these tricktarious sharpies only can go so far. To truly decimate their supflirious edge is to remove the one true advantage they have over Recreational Players™ .”

Bodog won’t be resting on its laurels for very long though. Odman also outlined future plans for Bodog. “After conducting a compendious analysis of how to provide the maximum, most suplurative value to our Recreational Players™, we plan on eliminating poker game play altogether. Our Recreational Players™ won’t have to play against those demonic jackals from hell. They’ll have the mandatory option of direct-debiting their bank accounts each month and we’ll just deduct what we think they should have won and send it back to them.”

Odman continued, “In the Bodog Recreational Player™ Poker Ecosystem™, which we alone created, we’re aiming for only having 2 or 3 poker players on the entire network. We’re looking for just a few elephantious sized players who love poker but just don’t have the time, skill, desire, or inclination to actually play. We remove the playing burden from these players which frees up their time to read the highest trafficked website ever in existance, the CalvinAyre.com blog, which is more social and fun than playing poker in the first place.”

“Our success can be measured not in how many players we have on our network but how few. It’s ridonkulous to think that people want to look at numbers and pictures on cards and still end up losing all of their money chasing runner-runner draws. We’re moving extremely fectaculosity towards our eventual goal of having less than 10 players site wide.”

Bodog CEO, Patrik Selin reiterated Odman’s points saying, “We’re the contrarian play in online poker. Everyone else is adding liquidity, improving their software, and trying to provide a pleasurable gaming experience but we don’t think about poker like that.”

“If I were running Facebook, I’m sure I could turn that into a million dollar company using the same approach. Facebook wastes a lot of resources trying to deliver an experience that people enjoy. You cut out that overhead and everything else is pure profit.”

8 thoughts to “Only in Online Poker

  • baerrus

    Correction: Instead of earlier reported “No decision Poker” new software is aptly named No Fold’em Holdem…

    har-har

    Seriously: http://blog.nexuspoker.com/2012/01/privacy-in-online-poker-bodog-prevents.html

  • poker addict

    I don’t see why bodog wants to get rid of all they’re poker players. I guess they only want people who always loose money, what’s new.

  • Nick - Outplay Poker

    Wow, Bodog really is changing the game like the wanted to! Thank god I don’t have to make decisions anymore, now Daniel Negreanu is no match!

    What an epic fail Bodog!

  • tankgirl

    As for eliminating the FOLD option, I know many players who have that feature built in to their game already. Call it something other than poker though, since poker is the challenge of conquest which requires strategy and making decisions.

  • robvegaspoker

    If you play 2/4 at some of the locals casinos in Vegas, they’ve already got this up and running.

  • GerryPolt

    But thats right Bodog or bravadog or what ever no longer want poker players. They should just move the poker section under the Casino header and just have a deal button. Be far faster and you woundn’t have to worry about your lack of decent poker software.

  • GerryPolt

    Isn’t this just gambling. It be quicker tossing a coin.

  • KenP

    I understand that an employee was dismissed for the press release going out ahead of schedule.

    It was obviously supposed to go out 4/1.

    Heads may roll on certain blogging sites too.

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