Bill's Poker Blog » Poker Humor

ANY2LDO

Bill Rini — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 08:40:50 +0000

Saw this outside a shopping mall a few months ago. Finally got around to downloading the pics off my iPhone :-)

What You Could Buy With the $150 Million Full Tilt Owes Players

Bill Rini — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 08:18:45 +0000

Full Tilt Payout Problems Exposed

Bill Rini — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 18:16:58 +0000

Last week Todd Brunson tweeted that he had run into Howard Lederer in Las Vegas and that after telling him how short he was of cash Howard offered to pay him what he had locked up on Full Tilt.

He asked how much I had on tilt and I told him 150k.. He said come with me. We went to his car and he opened his trunk and paid me!!!!!!

He even tweeted a photo he grabbed of Lederer before the payout.

This got me to thinking. First off, what the hell was Lederer doing with $150,000 in the trunk of his car? Is he filming a new reality television show called “Carjack me”? What kind of theft deductible does Howard carry on his wheels? Then it hit me. Full Tilt has been shut down by nearly every bank in the world. This must be their “technical difficulties” that they’ve been referencing in their FTPDoug posts.

So, is this a brilliant PR move by Howard and Ray Bitar? Is Howard going to tour the US in his Audi A8 and hand out people’s bankrolls to them at prearranged restaurant parking lots across the country?

Sadly, a little investigation into this matter proves this too may be a “technical difficulty.” As you can see in the image below, it is highly unlikely that $150,000,000 (represented to scale) would fit in the trunk of most cars (even minus Todd’s $150K).

My sources have told me that the reason that Full Tilt asked for (and received) an adjournment at the Alderney hearing today was so Howard could rent a more appropriate vehicle for the cash dispersal. Unfortunately, Howard’s Full Tilt, Tiltware, Pocket Kings company credit card was declined at U-Haul and Ray is busy in Dublin trying to find a staff member who might be able to lend them a debit card.

Please stay tuned here for more information and dates for the “FTP W00t W00t, Come Get Your L00t” tour.

I love this guy

Bill Rini — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 03:22:18 +0000

I love the part where he overbets and has to pull back some of his weed. Related Posts Who Sent Da Love in 2010? Love Me, Love Me Not Who’s Sending the Love? The Online Poker Industry’s Love Hate Relationship With Rakeback The Rooster is in Love

Bleeding Chips

Bill Rini — Sun, 08 May 2011 16:04:53 +0000

Funny take on a heads-up match. Worth a watch.

Party at the DOJ

Bill Rini — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 12:48:11 +0000

Funny video from MrSrslySirius with hat tip to Quad Jacks.

If Online Poker Players Were a Bunch of Chicks

Bill Rini — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 07:59:13 +0000

I think I’ve mentioned that one of my Thai friends here in Bangkok, May, is a poker player. It sort of surprised me when she told me and at the time she had no idea that I was involved in the industry. She’s always busy and I’m always busy so we don’t spent anywhere near enough time chatting but she just sent me a link to this video her and her friends put together.

If you want to help them fund future episodes, please throw them some love.

Poker Wisdom

Bill Rini — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 04:30:54 +0000

I happened to run into some good friends last night and as we discussed life and poker a few funny sayings came up that I thought people might enjoy.

Hey man, life isn’t a freeroll – Mr. B, professional poker player

While discussing a friend who seems to be headed for trouble and whether or not someone should reach out to them, Mr. S commented:

You can’t help a donkey until he reloads.

Yo Trolls

Bill Rini — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 00:44:49 +0000

Thanks to Part Time Poker for catching this video and posting it.

I love the line, “My post count is larger than my bankroll.” :-)

Love Me, Love Me Not

Bill Rini — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 06:23:49 +0000

Dear bewinners,

Your recent string of correspondence has left me confused and somewhat bitter. After all the good and bad times we’ve shared together I thought I deserved something better. Something more respectful. Instead you’ve done nothing but toy with my emotions.

On December 1st, you sent me the following message.

What do you mean that you want to work with the best? Am I not good enough for you? Am I less than “the best”?

I can understand how you feel. I haven’t been supporting you in the way you need supported. You probably felt hurt and neglected. I totally understand that. I would feel the same way.

But you have to understand, when we first met you were a totally different person. You’ve changed. That’s not just my opinion but the opinion of many other people in your life. One minute we’re toasting our vows to share the lifetime revenue of the players I send you and the next thing I know you’re telling me that you no longer want to honor those vows and that you plan on making your decision retroactive.

How’s a guy supposed to feel in a situation like that? Hurt? Confused? Violated? Yes, yes, and yes. I admit that our falling out is as much my fault as it is yours because instead of trying to understand what was causing this rift in our relationship I was selfish and only thought of myself.

But then you sent me this email on December 31st.

I think this is pretty heartless considering that you were already planning on ending our relationship. You send me this email leading me to believe that we’re cool again but behind the scenes you are already preparing to dump me. I had gotten my hopes up thinking that maybe you wanted to reconcile. Maybe we could put the past behind us and look forward to a brighter future together.

So imagine my surprise, shock, and hurt when you send me this email just a few days later.

You heartless bitch! It’s over, just like that? I take a little “me” time and you throw away everything we shared together?

As long as we’re coming clean on a few things I thought I might let you know about things that I lied about during our relationship. Your ass does look fat in those jeans! Your cooking isn’t fit for human consumption and and spelling your name with a lowercase “b” is not cute nor does it make you look younger. It’s just pathetic!

BTW, I’m keeping the Whitney Houston CD I bought you for your birthday. Not because I like Whitney Houston but because I know you love Whitney and I’m a vindictive prick.

Sincerely,

William Rini

PS. I faked my orgasms.