Poker Poker Humor — 23 February 2006

And in case anybody needed a reason to vote for Phil Gordon in 2008, I give to you these facts about the man.

Phil GordonPhil Gordon’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

The chief export of Phil Gordon is the check raise.

Phil Gordon recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Phil Gordon can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

Phil Gordon sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled poker ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Phil beat the devil in a heads-ups match and won his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Phil Gordon does not sleep. He waits.

Phil Gordon has every copy of Card Player Magazine in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

If you can see Phil Gordon, he can see you. If you can’t see Phil Gordon you may be only seconds away from death.

Those aren’t credits that roll after Celebrity Poker Showdown, it is actually a list of people that Phil Gordon busted that day.

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, “WWPGD?”

Phil Gordon can divide by zero.

Phil Gordon’s hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Phil Gordon’s dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Phil Gordon will not take shit from anyone.

Phil Gordon is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Phil Gordon.

Phil Gordon can create a rock so heavy that even he can’t lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the &*!@# Phil Gordon is.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Phil Gordon.

Phil Gordon frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Phil Gordon owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Phil Gordon ends every relationship with “Its not me, its you”.

The most effective way to lose your entire bankroll known to man is to type “Phil Gordon” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.

Phil Gordon doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Phil Gordon counted to infinity – twice.

Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Phil Gordon during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Phil Gordon. He doesn’t have to.

Phil Gordon refers to himself in fourth person.

Phil Gordon once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.

When Phil Gordon sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only an offer to play the government heads-up. Phil Gordon has not had to pay taxes ever.

Phil Gordon once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Phil Gordon.

Phil Gordon does not go to play poker because the word play infers the probability of failure. Phil Gordon goes winning.

You can experience the Phil Gordon awesomeness by checking him out on his blog.


None of the above facts are true. In fact, all were heavily borrowed (i.e. outright stolen) from Fun Facts About Chuck Norris.

[tags]Phil Gordon, Chuck Norris, Fun Facts[/tags]

Ship It Holla Ballas!

Share

About Author

Bill Rini has been working in the online poker industry since 2004. He was a product manager for poker at Full Tilt and was the poker room manager at PartyPoker. Currently, Bill is the Head of Online Poker for WSOP.   Bill has been blogging about online poker since 2003 and is considered one of the leading authorities on the online poker industry.   "I like What Bill Rini said in his blog" - Doyle Brunson   "In other news, we had Bill Rini write an absolutely home run blog." Daniel Negreanu   "Industry insider Bill Rini has one of the most popular blogs in poker, with thousands of subscribers and fans regularly coming back for his universally respected insight into the industry" - Barry Carter (News editor for PokerStrategy, Co-Author: The Mental Game of Poker)

(0) Readers Comments

  1. Most of those are re-written from the Chuck Norris stuff that’s going around the internet lately… but still very, very funny. (I’d buy the bracelet.)

    Also, as for the guy that wanted to win the Hooters contest… you’ll have to out-write ME in the future.

    Sin,
    The Guy That WON The Hooters Contest. =)

  2. This is the greatest blog entry ever written.

    I *heart* Phil Gordon.

  3. Oh man, I went to the actual site for chuck norris…hilarious. But I could see phil dividing by zero to calculate odds :)

  4. Oh no I don’t.

  5. Screw Phil! I Wanted that Hooters Certificate!!! lol.

  6. Phil Godon gets spanked by girls in ROSHAMBO!