In this amazing new book you will learn how to use cancer to your advantage at the poker tables. Felicia Lee Dyer will show you how you can beat the worldï¿½s best players using little more than your medical condition.
Hereï¿½s an actual excerpt from the book:
It was a tough match up but I made it to the final table heads-up against my nemesis, Ted Forrest. Ted is probably one of the best players alive but I had one thing going for me that Ted didnï¿½t; cancer!
Felicia: Looks like you filled up, Ted. I hope youï¿½re not going to bust me out here. I really need this money for my operation.
Ted: Yeah, right. Listen, I would bust my own mother out of a tournament. Hell, I just cracked my own grandmother in a heads-up freeze out last week.
Felicia: No, I know. Itï¿½s just that the doctor bills have been starting to pile up, ya know? Iï¿½m not sure I can stand another bad beat in life.
Ted: Hey, Iï¿½m sorry. I didnï¿½t mean to come off like that. I was just joking around. I didnï¿½t want to say anything but . . . itï¿½s cancer, huh?
Felicia: Yeah. Bad beat. Iï¿½m just trying to pull one big win to get me through this. I mean, if I can win this tournament I just know that I can beat the cancer. I just need a boost. I need an edge. I need something to keep me motivated to keep fighting.
Mike Sexton: Vince, because of our WPT cameras we can see that Ted Forrest has the best hand. The only way Felicia can win this is to get him to lay it down and thatï¿½s very unlikely with the total nuts.
Vince Van Patten: I canï¿½t believe that Ted is going to bust a chick with cancer. What an asshole!
Mike Sexton: Yeah, youï¿½re right, Vince. Itï¿½s like they say; heading into white water can take a lifetime to learn but a monkeyï¿½s butt only smells in December.
Vince Van Patten: Mike, have you been hitting the bottle again?
Mike Sexton: As a matter of fact . . .
Felicia and Ted: Would the two of you shut the hell up!!! Weï¿½re trying to play a game here!
Ted casts his eyes downward. He knows he has the tournament won but he just canï¿½t bring himself to pull the trigger. He mucks his hand.
Ted: Ah, I was bluffing. I didnï¿½t have anything. You beat me fair and square.
Felicia: Sucker! What a total dumbass!!!! You laid down the nuts because of some boo-hoo story. What a total wuss!
Yes, you too can learn techniques just like the one Felicia used here. At $19.95 itï¿½s a bargain at twice the price. Hurry (no really, if you have cancer you probably do need to hurry) order today! Besides, how can you not help out this poor little girl with cancer? Her lifeï¿½s dream has been to have a best selling book. Can you deprive her of her dream?
DISCLAIMER: Before anybody starts freaking out and telling me what an insensitive jerk I am I offer the following:
a) Yes, I’m going to hell for this one so I figure I might as well prove myself worthy of a management position.
b) Felicia asked me to do it!!!! She even supplied the photos and suggested that a bandana might make her look more cancery. All I did was some PhotoShop (and not even very good PhotoShop) and add all of the extremely insensitive and inappropriate text.
c) She has seen it and thinks it’s funny as all hell.